Do you ever feel like everyone else around you is going on about there lives .. actually moving FOWARD with what they are doing, and here you are ... stuck .... stuck in this place of nothingness, stuck in this spot with no path to follow........

 ...... its the story of my life.    i wanna go back to being 6 .. having no care for anything - when life was just fun and games.  growing up is hard. being successful is hard. being the person that your parents want you to be is stressful. knowing you're not achieving those goals you set for yourself is disappointing. 
I've dug myself a hole too deep that i cant get out of.

I'm 22. I know im not old yet. but its like everyone around me are goin places... graduating... gettin jobs. and here i am ... failing myself , struggling with school, lost with what i REALLY want to do in life ... im just not sure of myself. I dont know whats wrong with me.  BLeH.

... and now i have more stresses ... like .. where am i gonna be living in  like 2 months?!? and WHO im gonna be living with (im so picky about my roomies, must be nice, fun, CONSIDERATE, and most of all CLEAN .. haha, so if ur her .. holla at me! lol). crap. I dont wanna move back home. ahhhhhh!

I leave for NJ/NY in about 8 hours. I'm so excited! YAY! back to my homeland ... lol j/k. So ill be peaced out until monday. yay for gettin to visit my bro ... yay for me and alfie's 1st trip together ALONE in 4 1/2 years ... yay for roaming the city .... yay for gettin away from raleigh .. yay for not having to work ... yay for shopping ... but no yay for coming back broke ... (unless atlantic city treats us well!) ! I shall have a wonderful spring break  So dont miss me too much!
I  NY
I  NJ

Happy tuesday =) Ive spent a long day in bed ... after of course goin to my 9am class. Did i ever tell you how much i HATE 9am classes. i dont know how people get up that early especially when its so cold! who wants to get out of there warm covers ... not me! but i have to for the sake of makin an "A" in this class .. which i am accomplishing so far (which i better be cuz im takin it for the 2nd time!) .. so im pleased

random work venting section .. *beware*
sushi blues ...  i wanna quit. Money has gone from AWESOME to ... okay. maybe its because ive been spoiled with the great $$ i used to make there and now... it just seems people are so freakin cheap. Thats the problem with workin at restaurants. You have to continually kiss people's asses in hopes they will leave a decent tip. and no... 10% is not a good tip! Apparently people dont know you only make $2.15/hour ... and apparently people dont know that at our restaurant parts of our tip go to the sushi chefs ... so when you leave me a shitty tip after getting great service , i'm apparently pretty much serving ur ass for free. and NO that doesnt work with me. OH Oh Oh... and 1/2 price nights .. hah. i dont wanna get started with that... but i do hope that the people that go there every week READ this shit. (and no its not anyone i personally know) 1/2 price staff stays the same every thurs ... so when u leave NOTHING (meaning tips) on the table... the whole staff will know. AKA i PROMISE that you and your friends will from now on get the service you PAY for.  Leaving a $2 tip or LeSS on a tab over $20 is NOT acceptable. I mean im sure you all go to school... you're smart kids.... do the MATH... 15% first of all is the STANDARD. geez... people have continually piss me off during half price thinking they can get away with not leaving any tips by hiding it under your plate in hopes that i wont see it .. WHILE yall come in GROUPS of 6+ and make me refill your drinks a MILLION times and make me split all your checks, while payin cash expecting change WHILE i have 2384293847 other tables. its happened week after week and i have all of you that do that memorized in my head. and  yes all other servers are informed about ya'll. so yes... come in... you'll get shitty service i PROMISE. oh ur food takin to long? oops!? oh no water refills... ? oops?! YEA.  lol .... carole is MAD!!!  and it takes ALOT to get me like this.  Okay im done... lol. i need a real job.

Back to happy thoughts .... valentines passed and i had 2 wonderful dinners w/ my babe. We never ate at Melting pot and they were booked v-day so we decided to make early reservation the sunday before ... food was okay but dessert was SOOO GOOD! I think i get lazy and rather have my food already cooked instead of me cookin it .. lol Well here are some pics of that night ...

leavin our marks on the window

MmmM~ fondue

i love this .. haha. my baby is so silly

okkaayy.. apparently i reached my max upload and cant put anymore pics up?! so thats the end of that.. haha. Well it was a good dinner and we still ended up makin reservations at Underground for v-day .. its always yummy there! So no gifts were exchanged ... just good times with each other   .. plus those dinners made us broke! lol.

Speaking of broke ...  i bought a new digital camera some weeks back. i love it ... sony cybershot 7.1 megapixels. .. its not as tiny as most cameras are now a days but i paid a pretty good price for it and got a free printer with it too! now i can capture everything! .. like our upcoming short beach trip march 6-8th w/ some friends ... and than me and alfie's NJ/NY trip the next week march 15-19th for spring break (yay!). cant wait to go back to the place i once lived to see my brother, family, and the CITY!! and i recently purchased concert tickets for april 18th to see the black eyed peas -  yeah im excited .. good times with lots of friends! i know ur jealous  sOoOOo ... THATS why im broke!

okay thats all for now .. time to get ready for dinner with the girls tonight at underground ~ YUM!

so the holidays are over. bye bye december and bye bye 2005. December was  quite a hectic month .. with my 22nd birthday, christmas, and me and alfie's 4 year anniversary. yep thats right .... 4 year anniversary  crazy shit huh? lol. and than all followed by a boring new years. cuz this little girl had to work up until about 11:45 .. .and by that time it was too late to make it anywhere, so me and some co-workers stayed at blues watching tv .. talking.. and opened ourselves a bottle of champagne. yippee?! but must i say .. poor poor alfie has it BAD in december.. lol. 3 different presents within like 2 weeks for me. birthday on the 15th, xmas on 25th, anniverasary on 30th. .. so i gave him a break for anniversary and mutually decided that no presents were to be exchanged and that we would take each other out to dinner and just simply celebrate our "love" lol.. cheezy.. yeah i know.  but how many of yall could say u have been with the same person for 4+ years at such a young age.? but its all good.. cuz i know we'll get married... one day

so anywhooz. its a new year ... and no im not makin any resolutions cuz uh. i NEVER keep them. All im simply gonna do is Try my hardest in school and PRAY i get into the radiography progam. Try to not shop as much & save some $$ . Try to eat healthier (aka only eat waffle house once a week instead of 3x week .. lol). Try to not be so lazy. Try to hang out with the girls more often. --- and thats it. So goodbye 2005 ... and hopefully 2006 will treat me well .... very well.

::here are some random pics from dec::

me and noy - so glad she came to work at blues! love this girl!

sushi blues xmas party (this is what happens when u mix karaoke and alcohol)

 karaoking ALL NIGHT LONG

the "asian" side of sushi blues

me and my babe on our anniversary

us again

and now i feel like posting random OLD pictures .. oh no.. lol beware!

omg. haha. yes we have been friends for THAT long.
i love how i just embarassed myself ... but im takin my 2 bestest with me! lol

and this is us sometime some years ago.

my girls from way back when

oh daytona memories.

yeah.. u know.. we need to do that again.

when little ainsley was first born

red dragon girls

red dragon boys

me and alfie a LONG time ago

that time we went out when i first moved in

me and my favortie lien.

the most embarassin trio pic of all.
i think we were 13? i dont know.

ok im done reminising. bye!

So im seeing these things everywhere - so thought i would fill it out in order to contribute to my procrastination and not study mode. LooKy LooKy ~

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

22 .... yep .. i act my age. in 9 days at least.   im turning 22 .. on dec 15 - can we say PARTY! haha.. not. more like dinner, a COUPLE of drinks, and maybe a night out on the town.  sounds good to me ... anyone wanna join?? its a celebration b***ches .. for me gettin old and for classes being done! woo-hoo!